I'm not really here

Oops, I Left My Consciousness in Another Dimension

On the first page of my upcoming memoir, I mention how I had several moments growing up where I felt like I’m not really here. These feelings were pretty random, and they would come and go as they pleased -Until I died and learned to control them and, most importantly, how to play with them.

I will explore this topic further in my book. (To read chapters as they are published, become a paid subscriber.) However, since many of you beautiful people have asked me to explain what I mean by “not here” or what it feels like, I figured I’d give you a little taste of what’s to come.

Let me explain with a fun little road trip through the wacky world of consciousness.

Imagine you're driving down a long, winding road. Your journey is your life, and each town you pass through is a moment in time, a slice of your reality.

As you approach a town called Present Moment, it starts to come into view. The buildings grow larger, details emerge, and soon you're driving down Main Street. The town is vivid, immediate, and undeniably real. You can see the quaint shops, hear the local radio playing through an open window, even smell the fresh bread from the corner bakery. This town, right now, is your entire world.

But inevitably, you drive on. The town begins to shrink in your rearview mirror. The sounds fade, the smells dissipate, and eventually, 'Present Moment' disappears from view entirely. It's no longer part of your immediate experience.

Here's the kicker, though: just because you've driven past Present Moment, doesn't mean it ceased to exist, or never happened. That town is still there, going about its business, even though it's no longer in your direct perception. The baker is still baking, the local radio still playing, life goes on. It's just not in your 'here and now' anymore.

Photo by Tyler Domingue on Unsplash

Those moments when I feel like 'not really here'? It is like suddenly seeing the whole map instead of just one town. I know I’m physically focused on this town, but at the same time, all kinds of other cities, villages, and metropolitans (present, old, and new) are equally available to me right now, right here. I get to choose the place I focus on and bring it active into my physical reality in the present moment. I get to create new exciting places while I also get to pick which places I prefer to keep in the past, and know I can let them turn into dust in the wind, fully erased from the map. The most amazing thing about this? There are no right or wrong, good or bad options—only choices to choose from now, now, even now.

The funny thing is, we come here eager to experience physical reality, knowing stupendously well that anything and everything is available to us ALL THE TIME. Then we learn from our well-meaning parents, teachers, religious leaders, etc, that this type of nonsense is not only frowned upon but only available to some very special and unique individuals. Like Jesus. So we play small. Never tell anyone our biggest, boldest dreams because “who am I to want that”. As a result, we forget what magnificent, amazing beings we are.

It doesn’t have to stay that way. And you don’t have to die like I did to get there. You can choose differently today. You can start right now. With just a few minutes of focused thinking a day you can start to build the most beautiful, mindblowing mind town you’ve ever seen. And those old, crummy crossroads you’d rather never visit again that are oh-so-in-your-face real right now? Yep, they might be actively bugging you for a while because you’ve put so much energy into keeping them relevant, but they will dissipate from your map in no time, too. All you have to do is start.

Wanna try it? How about your own little joyride into this perspective?

Try this quick exercise:

• Sit comfortably, close your eyes and imagine you're driving on the highway of life.

• Slowly zoom out in your mind. See your car getting smaller, the road longer.

• Keep zooming until you see multiple 'towns' (moments) at once.

• Notice how they all exist simultaneously, even though you're only in one.

• Focus on each place individually for a few seconds.

• Feel yourself expand in each town, as if you're not just the driver but the entire map's cartographer.

• Now, gently bring your awareness back to the present moment.

• Take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes.

• Feel yourself grounded in your current surroundings.

• Take a moment to reflect on the journey you've just experienced.

• Notice how you feel now compared to when you started.

• Carry this expanded perspective with you as you continue your day.

Happy travels, fellow road-trippers!

I’m gonna go see whether I wanna be here or over there today.

Love always,